Write. Comment. Create. Share. Like. Tag. Update. Check in. Tweet. Post. Ugh.
Everybody has a place to broadcast. Probably multiple places. The conversations around “social” are centered around content creation, media making, sharing, engaging, conversing, building influence, calls to action, conversion, the list goes on. We’ve all decided how we’re going to manage the outbound. But, what about the inbound stream? Why are most so afraid to start steering their own ships?
I’ve heard a lot of conversations lately about people getting frustrated that they’re being all but spammed by friends on social networks, between constant link posting, obsessive commenting/liking, excessive amounts of status updates and blatant self-serving requests to join pages and causes. Frustrations with twitter streams becoming nothing more than a string of Foursquare updates. Facebook Places launches today, and we all know it’s going to drive us crazy until we figure it out. Quite simply, many of us are just frustrated with too many demands of attention from too many people in too many places.
Take control of it. There are buttons called unfollow, hide, remove, turn off. Use them. It’s okay, really.
There’s sort of this cultural expectation that two people who are in any way connected must be so in as many places as possible. But why? Social networks still haven’t mastered the art of showing us what’s truly relevant, it’s still up to the user to make that happen. So why are we so afraid to do it? It’s okay to use networks differently, it’s okay to filter updates differently depending on the channel, and quite frankly, it seems we’d all have a lot fewer headaches if we started doing so.
I’ve already caught plenty of flack for my connection style, so I’ll just go ahead and use myself as an example.
I know plenty of people in real life that I interact with on a regular basis but don’t follow on twitter. I don’t feel bad about it. If you’re publishing mostly location updates and song lyrics, I just don’t want to make room for that in my already overloaded brain.
If we’ve never had an actual conversation before, I’m not going to accept your friend request. I’ll save Facebook for people I know, trust and have an actual desire to interact with. I’m not on Facebook to make new friends, I’m there to connect with existing ones.
If you’re not someone I’d contact directly to grab coffee with if I knew you were near me, I’m not going to be your friend on Foursquare. If I check in somewhere and Foursqure tells me who is around and I can spend less than a minute scrolling through and find people nearby I’ll actually meet up with, then that tool has done it’s job. Anything else is just clutter.
For me, smaller numbers are better. It might not work for everyone, but it’s helped me define the relevance within my inbound stream. I’ve offended a few people by not consuming every little nugget of life they broadcast. That’s okay. I’m not sorry. I can’t be everything to everyone.
In relative terms, my network isn’t even really that big. I won’t pretend I’m even close to needing to declare email bankruptcy or that I have so many people after my attention that I can barely find time to sleep. Not the case at all (most days). I’ve just decided, based on track record, who I trust to share things that will inspire me, educate me, make me laugh or inform me in some otherwise important way. Those people’s updates make the cut, the others, I just don’t need to see.
By taking control of my inbound stream, I’ve created an information delivery system that I can rely on. And I love that. I still like meeting new people. I still like learning about the human part of my online friends’ lives. I’ll still have discussions via tweets or comments with perfectly good strangers if it seems we can learn something from each other. I’m definitely not shutting myself off to new stimulus altogether. But once a connection point is made, I filter it the way I want it. I really wish everyone would, because I think it would improve the way all of us speak if we became more active listeners.
If you don’t care about what I share on twitter, by all means, don’t follow me. If you’re sick of seeing my photography, by all means, hide my updates on Facebook. If you don’t like my blog, don’t subscribe. I won’t be mad at you, I promise. Influence isn’t built on numbers, it’s built on the ability to drive actions. I’d rather be able to count my interactions in a day on one hand if each one is meaningful than have everything I say and share “liked” from a distance. I don’t think I’m alone.
You can’t change the way others talk, but you can change the way you listen. So, here’s the challenge: stop complaining about being overwhelmed or annoyed with your inbound stream and start managing the way it feeds information to you. Don’t be afraid to make choices. Don’t be afraid to say no. Don’t be afraid to decide where you’ll connect with new people and where you won’t. Use networks and tools differently. Take control.
Thoughts?
Photo: Taken with Canon EOS Digital Rebel XTi. Exposure 1/100 sec. Aperture f/1.7. Focal length 50mm. ISO Speed 1600.
Given that we discussed this just yesterday I’m happy to see your post. I, too, have caught flack for my Twitter numbers, but I’ve remained strong in the statement that “It is my stream and I will do what I want with it”. I don’t and won’t follow everyone back just because they followed me or even if they are local. I rely on the value of the trusted smaller number (I choose to follow) to provide me with quality content I actually want and have time to read. And I clean house monthly and usually stop following about 100+ people at a time.
Let’s face it, our time and attention are now our greatest asset, and who wants to spend it reading crap or spam?
Yes, Dave, I very much enjoyed our conversation. Though you and I don’t manage things exactly the same way, I think our thoughts are similar in not feeling like we need to apologize for not having multiple connection points with every single person we know. Your point about our time and attention being our greatest asset is so true.
So now I don’t have to feel guilty about unfollowing you, that’s good. Control taken.
This is GREAT. Thank you. I so agree. Seems that some social media dabblers are using follow numbers and friend accepts as a way of validating themselves… “Oh look who I’m friends with, or how many people I’m friends with…” rather than a way of really enriching our lives with the people and input that flows into who we are and what we’re about. I’ve been guilty of this, too. Until it got too overwhelming and counterproductive. Thanks for this post.
Thanks for reading, Emily. In many ways, I absolutely love how much we can all learn about each other because of social networks, but at a certain point, I think it’s just necessary to decide what we want to know. It’s not really about being mean or trying to cut people out, it’s about getting used to a stream full of valuable information and letting that inform us how to post and share more valuable things ourselves.
Becky,
I’m really glad you wrote this and I really appreciated reading it. I too control my instream but have been a bit confused about whether that was a good thing or not. I think alot of people are not sure about using facebook for personal and business and mixing that. I’m going to give it much more thought now and focus on how I use each too differently. It’s an on going discussion and I hope to hear more about it.
Thank you,
Vanessa
Thanks, Vanessa. I think a good place to start is creating lists on Twitter and/or Facebook and at least grouping people into different categories based on how you’d normally interact with them. I’ve found it to be very helpful, particularly on Facebook when I’m deciding what/where to share.
Great post, and this message will continue to be timely for a while. Social networks aren’t “new an sparkly” anymore, they are I dare say, commonplace amongst anyone who uses the internet. At first it was a quantity over quality type thing because there were so few people out there…NOT ANYMORE…I protect my attention more than my belongings and being as I run an internet business doing IT support, advice, practices, etc…it’s not about quantity anymore, it’s about quality. Keep your numbers low and information relevant and see if where things grow organically.
You’re right on with using the tools and streams effectively! Love it! You have to innovate and think outside to create the best systems, thats some of the stuff I focus on the most, how to use tools like Hootsuite to manage all the content, how to get the most out of the 100 RSS feeds you have, make comments, recommend and get out as soon as possible! Otherwise you’ll end up like those who let life “just happen” to them…overrun, frustrated, and so on.
Definitely agree, Robert. I’ve accomplished much of my inbound management using lists on Facebook and Twitter, particular search terms through Tweetdeck and a set organizational system in my Google Reader. It works for me. I don’t really periodically “clean house” or anything like that, I just consider the stream something that evolves over time and at a point I stop getting anything useful out of it, I change it. If social has taught us anything, I think it’s that information is a living, breathing, changing thing. So, we really should be treating it that way.
Thanks for the heads up on the Facebook Places. Disabled.
Becky,
I absolutely love this article. I already implement some of what you suggest, but it is so refreshing to have someone actually articulate all of this. You’re a blessing.
Thanks, Jewel. Just trying to share a point of view I haven’t seen much. The beauty of all this is that we get to make choices. I think we should be making them based on our own needs, not just in order to please others or serve some sort of cultural expectation of digital connection.
I appreciate your honesty in this post. I think it’s important to manage your inbound stream and people shouldn’t get offended for what you choose to follow or not follow. Your message is so simple, but people don’t talk about it enough. It’s ok to not be everything to everyone as you say.
Great Post Becky!
I totally agree with needing to control your stream. I used to do that back when facebook walls would fill with giant text-only pictures and those were the only spam that ever showed up. I have always treated my facebook much the same as you do, in that you have to know the person well enough to accept ‘friend’-ship with them.
keep the insights (and the photography) comin!
-John
I do the same relationship partitioning (thanks to some advice from John Hill). Facebook is my personal place.
And while the unfollow button is useful, the world needs a smart Twitter filter.
I use Tweetdeck to manage how I want to see Twitter. Through lists and searches, I find the most value. Of course, sometimes I just let the All Friends feed run and see what happens, but I like the flexibility Tweeteck offers me to find what I think I’m looking for and listen more closely to people I trust.
Thanks for the post Becky. My feeds, notices, alerts were beginning to be a little too much to bear and I’ve started to reign it all in so I could be comfortable with it and have it be manageable at the same time. Just yesterday, I went on an “Unfollow” sweep of people that seemed relevant when I first began on Twitter, but not so much anymore. Long story short, I woke up this morning to find the same people unfollowed me. Either they felt the same way about me or they took the “unfollow” personally, either they, I made the right decision.
Change often brings complaints, and Facebook is a great example of this. But as Facebook expands its services, isn’t it actually on the right track to simplify our lives? You like having multiple services to use in different ways in an attempt to organize and control your social media life. But what about people who like the idea of Twitter or Foursquare but are most comfortable with Facebook and don’t want to use multiple services?
The use of social media has increased to the point where we are probably getting close to the saturation point for a lot of people. Eventually, we will say, “That sounds like a cool new social media tool, but no thanks — my dance card is full.”
It’s great you’ve found a way to organize your life through your self-imposed rules about who you will connect with on various networks. But everyone is living their social media life by their own rules and there’s nothing wrong with that. I use Twitter and Facebook to keep up with friends and family, but also as a networking tool. I simply used the power of various components within Facebook to help control my inbound stream in a way that works for me. I use LinkedIn for keeping up with colleagues but I also use it for networking. I discovered I do use Foursquare much the same way you do.
My point is that when it comes to social media networking, to each his own. I’ve tweaked the way I use the various services over time so they work for me and not the other way around. So far, I’ve found success with all of them.
We can all use social media how we want and no one has a right to really say we’re doing it wrong. If we try something and it doesn’t work, such as posting updates that annoy a lot of people and get us unfollowed, then we’ll shift our methods.
Facebook places is a great example of this. I like some parts of it and not others. So I’ve taken control by adjusting my privacy settings accordingly. If I get people filling my stream with check-ins, I might see if the novelty wears off but then hide them for a while if it doesn’t. The idea that Peter Shankman has to be vindictive in some way to people who use Facebook differently is a bit arrogant. (I realize he’s mostly just being a smartass, because that’s Peter’s style, but I think my point is still valid.)
The beauty of the Internet is that it is a self-policed anarchy. The community controls any one person’s level of annoyance by ignoring them until they become less annoying. It’s too bad we can’t do that with people in real life!
Thanks for the post and for getting people talking. That’s another great part of this crazy Web we’re all weaving.
First of all, you win the award for longest comment in the history of time.
I think you’ve illustrated my point nicely. Everyone has their own style. The point I’m trying to make is that we have to take control of all of this or we’re going to get overwhelmed (if we’re not already). Finding ways that work for you are important, and I’d like to see more people just make adjustments and changes based on their needs rather than feel they need to please everyone by trying to consume everything….and then complaining about it being too much.
As far as Peter’s comment goes, he was obviously joking and being sarcastic. It’s likely he was just saying that to encourage people not to start pushing more and more useless checkin information from day one just because a new tool will let them do that.
Thanks for your thoughts. To each his own.
Sorry about the long comment! Apparently three cups of coffee and a Coke make it more difficult to be concise. LOL
You illustrated my point well, too, in your response. What you, Peter and others may see as useless and annoying, others might find interesting or useful in some way. If it is truly useless and annoying to enough people, then the community as a whole will get that message through to the person posting it. Until then, it’s fine for you to not like it, but you shouldn’t be too judgmental in your assessment.
Fair enough. I’ll stick to my system. Like I said in the post, if more people did this and all of us noticed changes in interaction and follows and whatnot, it would make all of us better content/message sharers. By no means do I think I’ve got the magic formula figured out. I’ve just found a way to create a reliable information stream and it’s taken time to do so.
There are a million ways to accomplish what we need to get done. I’m just suggesting everyone step up and be willing to think through it rather than hide behind “overload” excuses.
This was very helpful, thanks. I haven’t actually used any of the inbound mgmt tools. I just scan and choose whether or not to take action (RT, tweet, blog, click a link, etc.)
For many people that works, and it’s fine if it does. I’ve just found a lot of value in lists and filters and specific searches. I’ve found ways to organize people and information in a way that works for me. Definitely encourage others to be willing to do the same.
Becky, thanks for the reminder. This is exactly what I needed and based on the amount of comments you’ve gotten, others needed this encouragement too. I’ll definitely take this to heart and glad for the reminder that it’s ok to say “no.”
Hey Patrick, I’m glad you enjoyed it. Managing the outbound and managing the inbound are two entirely different things. I’m glad anything I said provided encouragement you needed to make your life a little easier and your stream more valuable.
- like -
seriously though – good stuff and very appropriate.
(you can remove my other reply – it stripped my tags)
Ari: I’ve said it before, and I’ll stick by it – The only time anyone should ping Twitter and Facebook from FourSquare about you being in a Starbucks is if it’s on fire, and they’re running in to save a group of three-year-olds from the blaze.
The problem as I see it (and hey, what do I know, I’m just the arrogant asshole of the group, right?) is that most people assume “hey, there’s a connect-to-broadcast button here, I simply must press it!” And they do, and they continue to add useless fodder to the Internets.
I know a lovely reporter for a major TV station in NYC. She and I are close friends. She’s quite smart. I respect her opinion tremendously. I’ve also muted her on Twitter and hidden her on Facebook, because I don’t need to know that she’s left her building, gotten into a cab, stopped for coffee, walked into her studio, getting her makeup on, being mic’d up, sitting in her news chair, reading her notes, excited for her day, taking a break, going to the bathroom between segments, so tired that she needs another coffee, finishing her last segment, getting her makeup taken off, leaving her studio, going to the gym, arriving at the gym, working out, hating on her trainer, loving her trainer, had a massively hard workout and is now taking a shower, heading to Whole Foods, wondering what to make for dinner, finally picked out some groceries, headed home, making said dinner, watching TV, and finally, heading to sleep, to do it all again tomorrow.
Can you imagine her doing that in person? Me neither. So I ignore her online persona, and move to make a deeper connection with her in real-life.
Is that wrong? I don’t think so.
You really think I’m going to start checking people into strip clubs because I’m “vindictive?” Come on, Ari. You know me better. A) I have no need to. B) I said it because it was funny. C) I don’t care enough about those types of people to waste my time doing that. My point was a solid one, said amusingly: THINK BEFORE YOU POST. That’s all.
And I dare you to tell me that that’s not good advice.
Looking forward to the next hate… er… lovefest…
-Peter
Peter,
First, I don’t think you’re an arrogant asshole. I think your comment could be taken by some as being arrogant. And I said you’re a smartass, which I should know, because it takes one to know one.
Your point about the NYC reporter friend of yours helped illustrate what I was saying. You found her constant stream of useless blather annoying and you’ve stopped listening to it. That means you took control of your stream, which is what Becky’s original post was really about. At the same time, if enough people mute your friend the way you did, maybe she’ll realize that she’s not adding value and no one wants to listen to her. If not, maybe she’s just a narcissist who is happy with only having herself as an audience.
I agree that think before you a post is a great mantra, and auto cross-posting between streams is annoying. Actually, when you break down our comments, we seem to agree on the basic concepts, but perhaps go about addressing them in different ways.
And I thought your strip club tweet was funny, but I’m not sure everyone will understand your sense of humor. They could take it the wrong way. Or, worse, since you are a leader in the social media universe, some people might take what you say as gospel and start following your lead or enacting your ideas.
In the end, I think we agree on some things and we can agree to disagree on others. Mainly though, can’t we all just get along?
Time is the new currency. By reducing that which takes up our time, we’re doing ourselves a great favor.
I enjoyed this post. Thanks for writing.
I dig this and all the comments about time management. It’s tough, but taking a few hours to set up your inbound streams to focus on what’s really important in terms of both content and people makes all the difference in the world. Nice job Becky.
I love this post.
Mainly because there’s nothing more annoying than having blocked Farmville itself, but being spammed by constant “I don’t care about your Farm, stop sending me requests” Likes by friends on Facebook.
I usually comment to let them know they can use the “hide” button for their news stream while blocking Farmville requests. Most people say thanks, but the occasional masochist will ask why *they* should have to block *it* (uh… because you don’t want to see it?)