Guest Post: Be in the Moment

This is a guest post by my friend Aaron Strout. He’s someone I’ve had plenty of interaction with online, but finally met for the first time during SXSW. We had a great first meeting and among all the things we talked about, one thing Aaron said really stood out. He talked about truly being present wherever he was. It’s so easy to scan the room or obsessively check for new tweets in that conference environment and it takes serious, focused effort sometimes to behave otherwise. I asked Aaron to write about it and offer some tips for those feeling a little disconnected to “real” life. Enjoy.

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Be in the Moment
by Aaron Strout

While social networks like Facebook and Twitter provide great opportunities to connect with old classmates, friends, co-workers and family, they can also promote a kind of ADD that leaves us all feeling a little empty. For me, my “social” interactions tend to exhibit the “mile wide but inch deep” syndrome where I feel like I am engaging with lots of people but very few in a meaningful way.

During South by Southwest Interactive — one of the largest interactive conferences in the world — this same “mile wide” issue tends to be exacerbated as many of us who work in the online/social media space come together in Austin, TX for 5 days. The problem is that even over the course of 5 days, one can only connect with so many people beyond a 60 second, “hey, what’s up?” in the hallway.

This year was different for me, however, and much of that is thanks to some very wise words that social smarty and co-founder of the Social Media Club, Chris Heuer, shared during dinner on the Thursday night leading up to SXSW. A few of us were sitting around the table at Art’s Ribs and Jay Adelson, former CEO of DIGG, asked Chris, Jim Storer and me what we wanted to get out of SXSW this year. As someone that has attended three previous SXSW’s, I rolled my eyes and exclaimed that I just wanted to survive this year. Chris paused for a second and then responded with a simple yet profound answer. “Wherever I go, I want to BE there,” he exclaimed. We all chuckled at first and then quickly realized the importance of what he’d just said.

Over the next five days, I took up Chris’ mantra and put it into practice. What I can tell you is that it made for a much richer and more satisfying experience than the typical saccharine feeling I get when spending time with large groups of people. Most fitting was my bookending breakfast with Becky Johns, author of this blog, on the last day of the conference. I had never met Becky in person,  but the two of us have several mutual friends and we decided to connect face to face while she was in Austin. As a result, Becky and I had breakfast at the Driskill talking about our SXSW experiences while reliving meaningful conversations and connections we made during the conference. That hour long conversation was, of course, the inspiration for this post.

While it can be hard to be that focused during any extended period of time, here are six things I kept in mind to help me get the most out of my personal interactions. I plan to use them at any event in the future, big or small.

• When connecting with someone, put your phone, laptop or tablet away. If you are in the middle of sending an e-mail/tweet when you bump into someone, let that person know that you will be with them in a minute and finish what you’re doing so you won’t be distracted.
• Make eye contact and concentrate on not looking around the room/hallway/restaurant. Let the person you’re speaking with  know they are the most important person in the room.
• Ask questions beyond, “hey, what’s going on?” A few that worked for me were, “what was your favorite session so far?” or “what key takeaways have you found?” Once you’ve asked, pay attention to the answer.
• Plan on spending at least 5-10 minutes with that person irrespective of who is in the room or what is taking place. Trust me, these interactions will be more meaningful than anything else you can do while you are at a conference or meeting.
• On the “let’s be realistic” front, if you bump into someone you don’t want to talk to, extend a hug or a handshake and let them know you’re headed to an appointment or an important session. Lying is bad, but it’s easy to get sucked into looking around the room for the next person to talk to or get distracted by your phone if you aren’t emotionally invested in your conversation.
• To take this to the next level, send a tweet, e-mail or Facebook message to the people you talked to after the fact and let them know how much you enjoyed running into them.

Learning to truly be in the moment is an important skill in a world where important interactions are happening in both our physical and digital worlds. How good are you with truly being present? Are you spending meaningful time with the people you want to spend time with? If you aren’t, maybe it’s time to think about how you can change that.